Gardening

So when we finally moved into a place after saying with my mother. When we first moved back to South Carolina, we started a garden. I will be the first to say I do not have a green thumb. I tried growing a aloe vera plant once and killed it. So to my shock my garden has actually been growing. The kids have been helping out and really enjoyed watching them grow from seeds to something we can eat. We have corn, squash, cucumber, tomatoes, watermelon,  and some others.
I will say though that my tomatoes that I planted in the topsy turvy thing are not doing good. They are producing tomatoes but it gets so hot here the plants start to die. Only when it cools off for a few days do they try to perk back up. I will not be using it next year.

Okay sorry had to take the detour, back to what I really started this post about. They always say being a caregriver is tough and we can burn out if we don't take care of ourselves. So I turned to gardening hoping for a few minutes of peace. That so hasn't happen yet. Lol Either one of the kids comes looking for me or my husband does. I think they have gotten so used to be being around every second. So I asked why can't I get a moments peace. These are my answers I will start with the youngest and work my way up.

Jazzy "cause I love you momma."
Connor "I don't know."
Matt "I didn't know where you were."

I think Jazzy's was the best, don't get me wrong I love my family. But every mom knows you can't even use the bathroom without someone barging in or itty bitty fingers poking under the door. So how am suppose to relax and take a breather. Sometimes I look at the advice doctors and others have given me and just wonder how they think I can get a moments peace without spending money to go somewhere where these magical little kids can't find a way in.

Oops detoured again.  I think I do enjoy gardening except the bees.  I have a huge fear of them since getting stung when I was younger. So whenever I get fustrated with anything I head outside. Atleast I have found something that I can enjoy and relax when I can find a moment to be just by myself.

Being out the military

So we are now out of the military. I was so hoping that once we were out we would be doing fine and my husband could really start healing. I was so wrong no one tells you when you start the med broad process that you should start saving money because it will be awhile before you actually start being financially okay. Which even a few months after getting out we are still trying to get our feet firmly on the ground. Still trying to get everything medically where my husband needs to be. We keep thinking when is life going to get better,  but that's the thing you have your good days and your bad days. Trust me I am the type of person who always looks for the good in every situation. My husband is my total opposite.

My husband still has his blank outs where he doesn't know who I am or who the kids are. My son thought it was a funny game when it happened the last time. Thats when I realized that I haven't actually explained what is wrong with his daddy. He knows what is wrong somewhat but since he stayed with his PaPa for alittle bit when his daddy was getting treatment he never really saw. Yes there are moments when my husband has forgetten where he was when my children are at the store with us but its something that isn't really noticeable. Those moments usually last only a few moments and I can usually redirect my husband to atleast follow me and he still has some idea of who we are. But this last time was one of the few moments that I deal with and have been able to keep my children from seeing. Usually they only happen if he was sleeping and in the middle of a nightmare and hasn't fully woken up. Usually I just leave the bedroom if I have startled him awake and just check on him. So the kids really haven't seen those episodes especially since they were in school but now its summer so they get to see more of the episodes. We found out from one of my husbands new doctors that the episodes might actually be micro seizures in his brain. Which actually makes so much sense and to finally maybe have a real explanation for what is going on. My husband has never hurt anyone and I will say that now so no one gets the wrong idea its just like living with someone that sleepwalks which my husband also does at times.

I only write this to let other spouses know that its normal and that they are not alone. Its a frustrating and long road. I have been married to my husband for almost ten years and I have seen so many different shades of my husband. The when we first got married, the after bootcamp, the after first deployment, the in between deployments, after second deployment and injury, and the after military one. The after military one is still trying to adjust to life out the military. He gets so frustrated about not being the person he was before he got injuried, which is so normal. Its hard for me to watch him get so fustrated and know I can only be supportive of him and help him. While at the same time trying not to smother him and make him feel less than he is. Its such a balancing act. Now he does have his tender moments that remind me that I love this man with all my heart and that this is just a curve in the road of our marriage.  I may not have known what was ahead for us we will got married but I still would have said yes if I knew all the things I do now.