Homemade uncrustable sandwiches

So yesterday I made uncrustable sandwiches for the kiddos school lunches. I use WowButter instead of peanut butter since my daughter is allergic to peanuts. All the store bought uncrustable sandwiches contain peanuts and she loves uncrustable sandwiches. We were both excited when we found the Wonder bread uncrustable sandwich cutter a few years ago and it is still in great shape.

The great thing about WowButter is it also comes with little stickers that say it's 100% peanuts free. Which is great since we have had in the past a teacher tell my daughter she couldn't eat something that we packed in her lunch bag. The teacher wasn't sure it was safe for my daughter to eat, so she told her that she would have to eat it at home. Honestly great my daughter's teachers are looking out for her but we would never give her something that could harm her. When you have a child with food allergies you learn to check the ingredients list since that is the only place it will definitely say if it has peanuts or whatever else you or your child is allergic to.

So back on topic. Yesterday I made 6 Nutella, 6 jelly, 6 WowButter, and 6 WowButter & jelly. Put them into ziploc baggies then into the freezer they go. Crates make finding them in the deep freezer so much easier for the kiddos.

Life has changed

So life has changed a lot in two years. We were donated a house through Military Warriors Support Foundation. A mortgage free home. It's a three year program were we send in budgets, learn about finances, and keep a eye on our credit reports. We also try to pay down on any debts we might have. You pay a deposit monthly along with property tax monthly. After three years they use the deposit money to pay for the transfer of the deed and once the deed is transferred the house officially becomes ours. Such a wonderful  opportunity for Veterans.

I also got pregnant with baby number three. Who was a complete surprise. Who is now a running and screaming 16 month old little boy. It's been quite the adventure. Having three kids ages 10, 6, and 1 has made life crazy.  My oldest I tell you has been the biggest help.

Connor has been doing great playing basketball, soccer, and this year he is in gifted and talented. This is also his final year in speech hopefully. Its also his final year in elementary school. He has been doing great being a big brother. He was so excited to be having a baby brother.

Jazzy is in kindergarten this year. Let me tell you she is the complete opposite of my sweet natured oldest. She loves and hates school at the same time. When she found out she was gonna have a baby brother she argued with us for days on how she wanted a sister not another bubba. We still have days were she says she wishes Jacoby was a sister not a brother. Or she will ask if I can have another baby a sister this time.

Then we have Jacoby my 16 month old. Who wears 2t- 3t, trust me he isn't fat he has just always been I'm the top 97-98% in weight and height. Connor was and has always been 25% while Jazzy was 50%. I swear as I have these kids they get bigger each time.

Back to Jacoby who is my big boy. Already running in socks on tile and hard wood floors. Who when I change his diapers you can usually hear me yelling come back here because he does a alligator roll and runs as fast as he can from me naked laughing the whole time. All while Matt is laughing his butt off at me. Matt will save me a lot and grab the running naked toddler who will lay there for him no problem to get his diaper changed. I swear Jacoby is the splitting image and personality of his father, they are so alike.

So Matt is also officially medically retired. So we applied for VA caregiver program since Matt has days where he has no idea who me or the kids are. Well we were denied twice for the program also told Matt needed to be in their fat program. Well VA caregiver program I guess you didn't look in his file. Since yeah he was 323 lbs when we first got to VA two years ago from all the steroids and surgeries where we couldn't do anything. But hey guess what he now weighs 237, that's about 90lbs he has lost in two years. Which is a healthy weigh lost, so you can take your fat program and shove it.

Yes life is hard and it would have helped to be on the VA Caregiver program that is supposed to be there to help allow for someone to be with a veteran like Matt. Who has PTSD, TBI, and who need assistance. Matt lives with constant migraines, black outs, memory loss, constant pain in his shoulders, hip, and neck. I could go on and on about what he lives with. But we have learned to cope with his injuries and learned to live our lives to the best of our abilities. That is all that really matters.

We also got to go on a marriage retreat with Operation Heal our Patriots. It was amazing in Alaska. We made some new friends, learn helpful tips about our marriage, fun activities for couples, and had some amazing food. The kiddos got to have our amazing friend Maria come and watch them with her kids while we were gone for a week in June this year.

Matt then got to go on a fishing trip to Montana with Warriors and Quiet Waters Foundation. Matt went in July and had so much fun. He had a great time fishing and meeting other Veterans. He caught quite a bit of fish. 

Connor got to go to Camp Corral in August right before school started. Camp Corral was at Camp Weaver in Greensboro, NC. He had fun riding horses, playing in the pool and pond, learning to shoot a bow and arrow, and making new friends. 

Connor at Camp Corral 

Awarded home through Military Warriors Support Foundation.

Kids enjoying popsicles on a hot day.

DIY Lunchable pizzas

I decided to try my hand at making lunchable pizzas for the kids today. Since I was making pizza for lunch and was going to have left over dough.  I used my favorite pizza dough, just made little pizza rounds. Baked them for 10 minutes at 425 degrees. My husband only likes two brands when it comes to spaghetti sauce. So we use either Classico or Bertillo for any thing Italian. I used little snack size ziplocs for my sauces and cheese.  Then I put the sauces and cheese packets in a big Ziploc.  The little pizza crust went into their own ziploz. I will update with more pictures instructions later if needed.

Gardening

So when we finally moved into a place after saying with my mother. When we first moved back to South Carolina, we started a garden. I will be the first to say I do not have a green thumb. I tried growing a aloe vera plant once and killed it. So to my shock my garden has actually been growing. The kids have been helping out and really enjoyed watching them grow from seeds to something we can eat. We have corn, squash, cucumber, tomatoes, watermelon,  and some others.
I will say though that my tomatoes that I planted in the topsy turvy thing are not doing good. They are producing tomatoes but it gets so hot here the plants start to die. Only when it cools off for a few days do they try to perk back up. I will not be using it next year.

Okay sorry had to take the detour, back to what I really started this post about. They always say being a caregriver is tough and we can burn out if we don't take care of ourselves. So I turned to gardening hoping for a few minutes of peace. That so hasn't happen yet. Lol Either one of the kids comes looking for me or my husband does. I think they have gotten so used to be being around every second. So I asked why can't I get a moments peace. These are my answers I will start with the youngest and work my way up.

Jazzy "cause I love you momma."
Connor "I don't know."
Matt "I didn't know where you were."

I think Jazzy's was the best, don't get me wrong I love my family. But every mom knows you can't even use the bathroom without someone barging in or itty bitty fingers poking under the door. So how am suppose to relax and take a breather. Sometimes I look at the advice doctors and others have given me and just wonder how they think I can get a moments peace without spending money to go somewhere where these magical little kids can't find a way in.

Oops detoured again.  I think I do enjoy gardening except the bees.  I have a huge fear of them since getting stung when I was younger. So whenever I get fustrated with anything I head outside. Atleast I have found something that I can enjoy and relax when I can find a moment to be just by myself.

Being out the military

So we are now out of the military. I was so hoping that once we were out we would be doing fine and my husband could really start healing. I was so wrong no one tells you when you start the med broad process that you should start saving money because it will be awhile before you actually start being financially okay. Which even a few months after getting out we are still trying to get our feet firmly on the ground. Still trying to get everything medically where my husband needs to be. We keep thinking when is life going to get better,  but that's the thing you have your good days and your bad days. Trust me I am the type of person who always looks for the good in every situation. My husband is my total opposite.

My husband still has his blank outs where he doesn't know who I am or who the kids are. My son thought it was a funny game when it happened the last time. Thats when I realized that I haven't actually explained what is wrong with his daddy. He knows what is wrong somewhat but since he stayed with his PaPa for alittle bit when his daddy was getting treatment he never really saw. Yes there are moments when my husband has forgetten where he was when my children are at the store with us but its something that isn't really noticeable. Those moments usually last only a few moments and I can usually redirect my husband to atleast follow me and he still has some idea of who we are. But this last time was one of the few moments that I deal with and have been able to keep my children from seeing. Usually they only happen if he was sleeping and in the middle of a nightmare and hasn't fully woken up. Usually I just leave the bedroom if I have startled him awake and just check on him. So the kids really haven't seen those episodes especially since they were in school but now its summer so they get to see more of the episodes. We found out from one of my husbands new doctors that the episodes might actually be micro seizures in his brain. Which actually makes so much sense and to finally maybe have a real explanation for what is going on. My husband has never hurt anyone and I will say that now so no one gets the wrong idea its just like living with someone that sleepwalks which my husband also does at times.

I only write this to let other spouses know that its normal and that they are not alone. Its a frustrating and long road. I have been married to my husband for almost ten years and I have seen so many different shades of my husband. The when we first got married, the after bootcamp, the after first deployment, the in between deployments, after second deployment and injury, and the after military one. The after military one is still trying to adjust to life out the military. He gets so frustrated about not being the person he was before he got injuried, which is so normal. Its hard for me to watch him get so fustrated and know I can only be supportive of him and help him. While at the same time trying not to smother him and make him feel less than he is. Its such a balancing act. Now he does have his tender moments that remind me that I love this man with all my heart and that this is just a curve in the road of our marriage.  I may not have known what was ahead for us we will got married but I still would have said yes if I knew all the things I do now.

A year thats been busy

So I haven't written in a while its been crazy these last couple months. My husband came back from deployment early due to a IED. We spent months battling for a diagnosis that actually fit all his symptoms. The doctor just kept telling us he had overwhelming PTSD, which I didn't agree with. I know what PTSD is my husband was diagnosed with it prior to this last deployment. Needless to say I fought for us to go to NICoE. NICoE specializes in PTSD and TBI. Along with doing research and learning more about the conditions and how it affects the soldier and the famlies. Well while we were at NICoE they actually listened to me about what I deal with on a daily bases with my husband. They did so many test that they say its 2 years of appointments packed into a one month period. We found out that my husband had hearing loss and needed hearing aids. Also that he had photophobia and vision loss, so he needed special glasses.

Honestly I am just going to list all the things that they found out:
Sleep apnea
Scarring on his eyes
Photophobia
Vision loss
Hearing loss
PTSD; nightmares, anxiety, social anxiety, loud noises and lights bring back memories of tramatic events
TBI: memory loss, blank outs where he doesn't know who anyone is or where he is at, headaches all day long, balance issues, collaspes and blacks out.
Vasalvaga
Peripheral vertigo
Both shoulders have surgery and need more surgery
His neck has a bulge/herinated disk
His hips are messed up uses cane to walk
Speech problems: stuttering

Well thats all I can think of for now. Needless to say its been a very weird and interesting year. My husband received his purple heart for his injuries on that fateful day that changed our lives forever. Everyday is a new day that I just don't know how it will turn out. We went and picked the kids up during Christmas break since it is taking so long for us to get out and Matt's dads health isn't doing to good. So he can't take care of the kids while we finish getting out of the military. Its great having the kids back. The kids are adjusting to having a father that is different than he was before. Both kids are now in speech so its been a busy year of appointments. Hopefully only a few more months here in the desert then we will be back on the East coast.

Been awhile

So its been awhile since I blogged. Its just been so busy. On May 4th, 2011 Matt's truck was hit by a IED. He called me four days later to let me know that he would be medivac out to Germany. His right shoulder was injuried again and that he would need to have a third surgery. He had two previous surgeries before he left for deployment. When I talked to him on webcam he seemed real tired and groggy. I figured it was from all the medication he was on. Well he was released from Germany after a week to have surgery back here in the states. Couple days later I received a phone call from him telling me to meet him at the hospital. Since the wounded warrior unit was who he was assigned to and he had to get checked out before he could go home. I was so paniced thinking he was much worst than I thought. When I got there and stood in line I guess I looked so freaked, a lady told me I would be seen faster if I went to a nonmilitary hospital. Which I knew and also understood she was just trying to be helpful. One of the nurses asked what I needed and eventually showed me and the kids to Matt.

Matt slowly was declining. I noticed things here and there that wasn't normal for Matt. He would limp but we figured his hip was bruised from the IED since that was what the medical staff said. He showed the normal symptons for PTSD, he was diagnosed with PTSD back in 2009. He had anger issues, irritable, he was searching for words alot more than normal. He was having a little trouble with math, when he was always so good at it before. He was having headaches and as the months went by they were getting worst. Every now and again he would just collaspe for a few minutes like he was fainting. I didn't know what was going on. Matt and I were getting so fustrated not having any answers and getting two different diagonised from doctors. He was sent to the TBI clinic here in Fort Bliss and was told that it was just overwhelming PTSD. We also had numerous other doctors tell us he had PTSD and TBI. One doctor actually referred us to a clinic in Maryland that specialize in TBI. But we were denied because the TBI clinic and Neurology were denying he had TBI.

Well on December 23rd, 2011 He finally went in for right shoulder surgery. I have heard mixed stories on what happened during surgery. Some say during surgery his brain flat lined and he had to have injections to get his brain going again. The surgeron also admitted to me that Matt's shoulder was worst than he thought. He had to remove two balls of tissue that the MRI missed. After the surgery Matt got worst. His balance was messed up and he was starting to fall into things. His headaches were worst, he was developing a stutter when the headaches got real bad. He was having more trouble sleeping and having a hard time breathing while asleep. When he would walk a long distance he would get out of breath or when he talked he would lose his breath. He was starting to complain about not seeing when someone was standing on the side of him.

We kept going back to the TBI clinic and the Doctor there finally admitted Matt should go to Maryland for further diagnoses and treatment. So here we are its March almost a year after Matt was involved in a blast he is finally going for treatment. The hospital in Maryland told us just looking at Matt's medical record they could tell he had TBI but what stage they were unsure all they could say was that it is mild to moderate. Also only way to be admitted to the hospital in Maryland is if you do have TBI.

We lefted on Friday March 9th, 2012 for Maryland. We stopped in Beaufort, SC to see my family. Now we are in Murrells Inlet, SC seeing Matt's dad and dropping the kids off. The kids are going to be staying with Matts dad until we get out the military so that means for a couple of months I am going to be without my babies. Hooch is going with us since he is now Matt's service.